Have a Good Evening

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My automatic behavior on an evening when I just want complacency was marked with two, Yep you guessed it, (2) Problems. The question is nostalgically, do you want to read about my (2) all time best problems?

The first problem is: I pray that BOB doesn’t have any children. There is this guy BOB in Texas. People have tried to be creative about him, but I know like BOB pretty much everything is creative. I have this Ice-Cream Sandwich, and I’m happy. But I know at BOB’s best he is nothing more than a Tom and Jerry Cartoon; Jerry is his Dad. Now I know you know the bible story. It is the greatest story ever told. The Bible. Well anyway there is this lady; she retained her health. Her name is Mary. I am not sure about the rest, like what she said, what she saw, or if anyone else witnessed the same thing she did. Oh, Mary had a son; I tried to tell BOB, the guy in Texas. I would say he could have been God, but now I know the Bible story. BOB, the guy in Texas, has not married lord forgiving, so I guess everything is OK. That is all, like I should know the drill; but how will there be a Kingdom within a Kingdom. I just keep getting awkward about BOB. So, I try his story the same as the one in the bible, and I just get more and more unsure. That I laugh. Like the story I tell, what I am saying each sentence ends like gish – (I’m Laughing Out Loud).

This is the other one; no less epic. “Clay Jenkinson had sex with Mary Stockinger and he paid five dollars for it.” The title is longer then the first title, “The Bible” but this one is different. This story might not turn out as generic as the first. Well, Clay returns home from the distressing event. For his parents though they knew about what he did, they could not confront him. So they had a hissy-fit. Okay, a guy does the wrong thing. Like I said he had sex with Mary Stockinger. He doesn’t remember this so you might as well put it on the back burner. But that won’t work because every time he does the presentation, I call security and have him escorted off the stage. So, really as far as a story is concerned all there is is Clay Jenkinson and a little bit of scorn from his parents over Mary.

Clay Jenkinson remembered how much his parents hurt him, so when he discovered what his parents had used, The Declaration of Independence, to show their disapproval, he committed him self to it. He doesn’t see how this was punishment for the wrong thing. And, it is probably an ethic of his parents more than a general wrong thing. But, Clay falls dreadfully short of making a connection of the street sex and his parents scorn. The scorn part is how he involved himself with Jefferson. It was The Declaration of Independence then that Clay Jenkinson became a scholar.

So, as he performs before an audience in the character of Thomas Jefferson, I gently motion him off the stage as if a Security Guard were working with someone having inappropriate behavior. Not only is he festering in the scorn of his parents, he is undermining the peace of an American Historical Figure. This is my story and I’m saying that Clay Jenkinson does not understand his interest causally. So, the performances continue. I am not sure how to describe it; it is magic. I do not want any trouble. Just for the record, I need to let you know that Thomas Jefferson had sex with an African American woman, not a prostitute.

All of these (2) Stories are reserved for a time when I want to relax and enjoy a good evening.

Madonna I’m “TEV2”

I want to know a little more about Madonna. Confessions is really great. I would never say that about anyone unless I thought they were equipped to process it. Admittedly though I do not think I could differentiate a Paranoid person from the Performer. It would help a lot if I could tell what I am [a boy / a girl]; I am TEV2. The last few times I took a 48D; which with the given in-site, is passing at that, I discovered I’m right where I’m at! Did she go somewhere else? Hell no. From the repertoire of things I am able to do, that they are not a public spectacle, I can only hope that they would be appropriate; but that I am acting on the basis that I believe what I am doing is in fact in agreement with the Truth of what I am doing. Basically, don’t go somewhere else. The thoughts should be accepted on the basis of their merits; sometimes it’s itself.

Madonna has correct thinking! So just how is Madonna doing? Madonna’s web site is pretty good. I was reminded of the type (real clean) with none of the “euroMA” high end negatives that come with the Madonna territory. I have been won. She really has all her stuff tuned up. “Hello? Madonna? I want to sign your guest book. First though, could we see where we’re at with Max Allen Collins?”

If it were not for the name as his talent, he never would have flipped Dick Tracy over, run him ragged through various instances of Cezanne, and twisted him until we should accept the compromising psychiatric circumstance of, “she should have made it easier for him to forgive,” he would have got this stuff long ago. But he is his name, and he still hides behind it. Did Max Allen Collins ever do any moonlighting? As usual, people work. The worse the tweaking, the harder it is on the people who work. The essentials though we have to work once straightened out makes it a lot easier for us. I mean we won’t have to work quite as hard.

Getting back to the person I want to talk about. I say; yeah. yea; it is the name thing, and Madonna has the thinking; I can hear it. Everything is in the best of all possible places. So, anyway, Max is the guy who hangs there just because he can tell there are similarities; like agreement. To get this you would have to have studied for years on the Chester Gould’s Dick Tracy. You would have had to realize that Devitt is a good name given similar circumstances. I will tell you that it will come up at the right time; and you will have the correct thinking too. And with the correct thinking; it is just the most amazing, “would be song.” Since when is a name bad on the basis that it is mean!

God where did my childhood go? No, No, I am responsible; I am no ‘nvu’. I have been in Roe v. Wade a while during my childhood. So, that is about the sum total of it; Right? I guess I matured enough not to be in danger of getting chosen. The rule is 1.2.3. Candidly, I would have been a lot better off if I had been Catholic. Even The Catholic Project Rachel has correct thinking. Project Rachel is the Catholic version of Roe V. Wade. That’s amazing to me!

Especially noteworthy since I’m on the topic, I am not flip-flopping either. Madonna? pick up. I just want to give credit where credit is due. This is not an invitation either, and I am betting that if I never get a response from Madonna, confessions is enough. Beyond that, which people often try; this is “TEV2.” And so I am a boy and I have everything. If nothing else this reading has been in-creditable.

While great songs are written and the few Rock Stars have become the Many Stars, I could only reward myself by giving my dad an award.

First note on Childhood Friend

I am the childhood friend for Brendan. We have been friends since second grade. Oh, he is married and works as an architect in New York. The big news is his birthday. It was this month. As has many childhood friends, we have drifted apart. I think about it and I am proud to have been his friend. I was a good friend to him. I provided ample thickness of thought and in return he developed a complicated set of required actions.

Many years later, I have worked at those self improvement actions. I still want to work and thus I want to get a start. Yeah, I want to crawl though my childhood and discover ways to improve. If it is something I can finish I would do it. The most amazing part of this experience was that I learned Brendan was a particular friend.

The various instances of his name, those people who look like him, his birthday class, and his sound are all instances of transference- he does none of it. He was a particular friend. Particularly. The episode from which I am most worked is one from a play by Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot. It is the first act where I am his what. Act II is after I have sufficiently learned my lesson to the extent that I am the Particular friend in another context. I have my own relationship with someone; an episode (Act I) and I have someone who is my friend. I get to do the work.

I have become immune to transference. So just in regards to Brendan, I want to give sufficient notice I am ready for his Act II. I will get through either act, but that they are not on the same plane. Do not worry, it is good. I am happy. I know what is happening and I think of the humanities with sympathy. It looks like a pay stub. Now, I come out of Act II sufficiently strong enough for my own version of Act I. So, I’m not really getting out of anything, but I have moved up. I just wanted to let you know.

You have encountered a WALL

This is what you must say at one of those present moments. It’s one of those people that will never retaliate so they say all the stuff that is triggered to get you to talk with ‘not like’. A person collects those scraps as drivers and implements them on you. While inside out you either fill with what the person likes in the case where you need a line. “Line please!” Or it is really true about what side of the desk you are on; it’s a staff client relationship. For this latter case you don’t get a chance to confront with your feelings because it is removed from the context. It is usually better to not go out of your way because it is well messy. So try to work in a way that you stay with the ones like you. So, here is what you should say in a present moment;

I get it. It is all up to me; Is that right? I’m supposed to take a prerogative. I know this one. You offer a service. Then you use the system to break it down. If it is a service, and I think it is, I’m going to tell you; you haven’t been updated. The whole key to working the wrinkle out of this old system is to realize A person shouldn’t suffer.

I especially like this passage because if the person is that well able to manage a social exchange they are certainly subject to the idea that, though PI is a number, you are a person and that you deserve to be talked to as if you are the correct person.

The First Day of Class

The girl I wonder my content is too much about her. I think I am supposed to be writing, just not to her. Sure I have lots of ideas about writing. My main issue being I need to write more often. But my writing is probably more like revise, revise, revise, until my thoughts are no-longer a trace. This is supposed to be writing with more content rather than quality. I am quite sure you know how it sounds when you first set out to write for an example- ‘a poem’. It sounds like the guy from rush; kinda sciency and technical. Oh my God I remember that. All my metaphors were a process; It sucked.

Well, keep working on it; you will get better. Your voice will try to do something like Emmanuel Kant. This is just the beginning. Writing is pretty good most normally. Poetry is another creature. Are you OK with it. Hopefully your poems are in your notebook. After you are underway a while it sounds better; it is like pealing away the systems. The stuff that is left is art- basically.

Every so often when I begin and I should say I am a total geek. Assuming I am responsible for a childhood I have yet to realize why Humanities causes learning and science is tried out everywhere until it ends up in somebody’s journal soon to become a humanity and thus learning. If you are a chick, I recommend starting once in a while. I think I am just underneath the surface here. So, pick up an old ‘Rush’ album and put yourself through it. Well, technically, take or bring the book which ever, if it is a book; you have been at the beginning. Somewhere there is an adolescent who is going to loosen up. And somewhere there is a total geek whose tried enough stuff to take a humanity. Is this line of reason leading to the same place. If it is up to me, I will be sure there is a proud father somewhere.
Thanks.

Part I Record Collection

I am updating and doing the upkeep for my site. This is pretty much a migration from the Yahoo Blog at 360. So I am posting stuff from a year ago.

I am excited about Rhapsody. My half-brother had a rather large collection of albums spanning from the early sixties till about 1987. After that, the girl who came into his life convinced him to part with that collection; they married. Realistically, I did not think I would ever forgive him. I listened to music from his collection when ever I visited (every summer). Now there is rhapsody on the internet. It is like the record collection I learned so much about as a child. The site is really easy, just type the album and it plays streaming sound; nothing to download except a plug-in at the beginning. After the trial period I signed up. I don’t know how to say this but if my half-brother thought he would get it all back, well his thinking sorta came true. I mean I am satisfied– Rhapsody is it! I am not in touch with my half brother hardly at all. My father who had favored him for many years doesn’t know that I resolved with an Internet service instead. Without making any sense at all, I guess my father is looking through him to the degree he is expecting a fan. Is that me? My half brother is probably going to get the family money; I just wonder what he will do with it. It isn’t very much. It is probably debts if I think about it for a second. I am the rotten son, but because of Rhapsody I am not the needed Fan.

Part II Deserved Attention

You know it is an effort to think rationally; but on making the thoughts on purpose is usually a little bit out of the way since really all we can expect is the possibility. So, I want to focus on a thought. How did you get that thought? Was it a thought from just before? And here it is; and, I realize that just because you made a change of focus and I’m alone and possibly in a different place I need a little context. You have changed you perspective and it makes sense to me. Oh how troubling is this given that I’m an easy mover. I guess the best way to explain is by calling it a fortress. So you know what? I don’t really care if my stability is a variance. You especially should not worry about me they are your thoughts. All I can expect is that you are rational. As we will discover by the end of this posting it will literally be about you! But now, I’ve assured people enough, and now from a management perspective I look like a risk of safety. I have given trials and tribulations; I have learned to trust my inner voice and most about my self governance I have learned to trust my feelings; about ideas I am responsible. All of this just to keep my place in line. So, there is really no surprise that I have deserved, by reassurance to those people who could apply a therapeutic outcome for me, to in fact cause me to have a therapeutic outcome.

I have the responsibility to a smaller degree that if even my father has decided that I am his rotten son, I have the honor of enjoying the benefits of a relationship with him, about which he has no idea. For my dad; there is no hiding places. Or if there is a hiding place, it is everywhere. So my thinking which you might say is your thinking, is the arrangement agreeably rational. The candid relationship with my father is a benefit requiring responsibility. I have re-assured people a lot; I have proved my place in my community even if I discern my adversaries. If you haven’t noticed I get practically every social disease imaginable; and , before that I was waking enough in a consistent sort of way to have gotten all my curtain calls. By about this time there is another level about to be exposed.

Part III Boy Girl: Girl boy

There is a Girl. She got one from both her parents. As a condition for her to live she had to marry. I was the chosen person. I am responsible for her childhood now that we are both adults. If the childhood is checking out right, you think you may be someone who’s childhood is passing away; it is more and more about you. Yea, you may be a person like me. Well, there is another level even deeper. The amazing part about my situation is that I have a voracious ability to learn. Assuming I am ready as it should be a possibility I learn by discernment. Yes these are thoughts, however, concerning me I am quite adapt at understanding people so far as to say that everything I learn, the various instances of the girl is mostly upkeep if that could be said about someone who is quite serious in intent to resolve. And I Forgive! Put me in the recessive crowd. The most remarkable things become apparent to me, and as I grow older I am finding it is getting easier to forgive.

Part IV The Dynamic Relationships

I can take it. Genesis, the first book in the bible explains the passage of time. It is not perhaps for someone else; and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone; who might not handle it the same way. I have said what, and I will not suffer. The book of Daniel is much clearer. It spells out the enigma of conscience. That is only half the story. Some people are assertive about themselves; the girl is. She has my promise of transcendence into heaven. I work on this daily. It is only through the knowledge I gain. Who could have become an obstacle in this relationship which I have with the girl. If this person knows so much, is this girl whom I speak of a person with a disability? Is she deformed? If I have said, “I rest;” I know this much is true, there is a level of knowledge expected of me I will never reach; such is the depth of this girl and which I am expected to have on the basis that she wants me to know. So, do I ever really rest? Not so long as there is a possibility I could release a person from knowing facts about me. I do this to their satisfaction that they are perceived as an adversary and I am discerning. And, the girl is happy. Think of this as if the girl is too assertive and there is a congregation of people (perhaps only one) all taking the The Roman Catholic Communion (the body and blood of Jesus). She relaxes!

About the girl, I will say that she chooses rightly. I fear the crush worthy wrath, the fullness of understanding, a religious tradition, the simple fact of name; I will release everything I have if I realize myself as suffering. Is this just the emotion of anger that I am willing to acknowledge? The pictures of Cezanne, and he should be taken as a great artist, show the suffering a person should never have to endure. Yes, I know I have within myself sympathy for Cézanne. And he was the last person to be getting caught in the loop where there was no hiding. He painted. This context I must use. I will use my resources to save a life but not a life if I thought by voting I could prevent a person from suffering as Cézanne did. I could be in contradiction with him, but it has been proven, all things must work for the betterment of human kind. And I have said I am not suffering. Why should this matter to anyone. Who is telling me I must know all this. Is it not well enough understood that everything works in a good way. And I have been brought to yet another level of depth.

Part V Closing with the Self Doubt

I am at the point that my stories are like a Twig whose careful conditioning has caused the twig to straighten. I release them into service. Yea; I am proud. There is improvement and it has satisfied me. What again is it, am I thinking here? I am using thoughts– is this a bad trip? I am not broken; I am in Doubt. I have self doubt. And, it no-longer is about my father, or a girl that is close to me, it is about you. I am sharing. Did you realize something I could never know? And I am doubting. I doubt I could ever go the Harvard. It is a technicality. The people who go to Harvard have no need for practicality and different bits of knowledge just underneath the surface, they are people who work for success. I am astonished. Harvard students will ascend to the top of their field. And I am doubting, isn’t that great. Now you know something which I have told you, and in return I want you to make sure I never go to Harvard. You will wake those staff educators of this news because I have doubted there is a technicality which will bring controversy and shame to the various generations of Harvard Alumni. What is being asked of these few who go to Harvard is by no means of mine a concern but an issue of name. I am satisfied, I am equipped, I am in a stable context, and I hope I am not a burden for these scholars. I only doubt myself. I concede there are better ways. I ask only for forgiveness. Throughout history there have been people who are great, let me say that you are great. And it has not been always that easy to achieve greatness. Some instances have ended badly. There is treason, and crimes, and faults all are instances of how I have observed that History ends badly. I have no needs and even as I doubt myself; I forgive. It is just another chapter in time. I will rest now.
Thank you.
goodnight.

Hugh